Reality, however, is a biznatch.
The first person to my classroom this morning was a parent--the same parent who followed me into the building yesterday afternoon as I was returning from picking up a birthday cake for one of my students. Yesterday she needed to know, as I was lugging a birthday cake, a grocery bag, and my satchel-o-school-stuff while trying to open the door with my pinky finger, what her son's grade is and why he has zeros for two assignments that she candidly shared he never did.
"I'm sorry, I don't know that off of the top of my head, but I can check when I get up to my room."
This morning, there she was at my door with her son as I was preparing materials for the final exam that my students would be taking in a matter of about 10 minutes.
Rules for Parents of Children in School
I.) Do not show up at a teacher's door unannounced before the school day begins. Aside from when I am actually teaching, I am at my absolute busiest between 7:00 and 7:30 in the morning, Monday through Friday. During that time, all teachers are running around like decapitated chickens. We are socializing with our students, making copies, tending to junk in our mailboxes, helping our students with homework, and battling our outdated computers. We cannot give you the undivided attention that you deserve and simultaneously be prepared to teach when the bell rings.
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Last Thursday was a doozy. Bear in mind that it was the second to last day in the final week of class before finals. I received four e-mails from parents. Here are some excerpts:
In response to my outreach regarding a student who has never in the two semester I've had her worked to potential...
"...you insist on discussing her issues in front of and to her classmates instead of to her, which I feel is totally unprofessional."
From the mother of a young fellow who really tries his hardest, but just can't cut it...
"M****** was having problems with his homework (sic) I asked him to talk with you today to get a better understanding. I would appreciate if you give him (sic) extra day to complete (sic) assignment."
Regarding a student who settles for mediocre work at best...
"A********* needs to bring her grade up to at least a B in your class so she does not become ineligible for her Toledo EXCEL scholarship. She was wondering if there is any extra credit assignment that you could give her to complete this week."
And finally, from the mother of three of my students...
"Thank you, for your continued interest in and support of my children"
There is such a long story regarding the first parent. He didn't like it that I stated frankly to his daughter, who has a C and failed to complete three significantly-weighted assignments in the month of May, is a slacker. In response, it's all my fault. I didn't chase her down for her to turn in to me an essay after having her wisdom teeth pulled, nor did I throw out all of my lesson plans to make time for her to do a presentation a week late for which she hadn't prepared anything. And how dare I give her an "incomplete" for a take-home test that she still hadn't done while she was on field trips four out of five days two weeks ago.
I do appreciate that the second parent was trying to advocate for her son. Still, I didn't excuse him from the homework. It's due when it's due. The request from parent number three is laughable. Seriously? Extra credit opportunities for students who do average work? And in the last week of the semester to boot?
Although they all struck a chord, it's the last message that restores my faith in parents. She is a mother who is always there for her children. She responds promptly to my e-mails and socializes with me at school events. She is the mother of three boys who take full responsibility for their mistakes and reasonable pride sans conceit in their achievements. Most importantly, she is always there.
Rules for Parents of Children in School
II.) Don't blame us for the grades that your kid earns. I know that there are teachers who have unreasonable expectations. I know that there are teachers who don't teach with as much attention to individual students' needs as they could and should. Hell, I even know teachers who have completely made up grades, which tend to end up in students' favor. Regardless, the grade that I give to your kid reflects the quality of his work according to my expectations and requirements. I am the teacher. I am the one with a degree in the subject that I teach. I am the one with credentials to teach said subject. My name is on your kid's schedule. I am the authority who will judge how well or poorly your student has done. If you have a problem with it, find out from your kid why he didn't earn (keyword: EARN) a better grade.
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Rules for Parents of Children in School
III.) Work with us BEFORE shit hits the fan, rather than after. Some parents e-mail me within minutes of posting a grade to our fancy-schmancy online grade book. Some parents e-mail me weekly or monthly. Some parents make arrangements to sit down with me before conferences take place.
Some parents.
Most parents have no idea of what their kids have to do for homework. Most parents wait until the end of the semester to inquire about the kid's D or F. Most parents ignore my e-mails and phone calls. Most parents don't even know when conferences are. As a parent, it is your responsibility to know what the hell is going on at your kid's school. I love reaching out to parents, even to extend a pat on the back for a job well done. However, just because I don't e-mail or call does not mean that you shouldn't be proactively involved in your kid's school. If you care about your kid, you'll make sure that I know who you are.
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I told my students last week that they'd be writing an essay for the final exam. I did the big no-no and assumed that they would assume they'd need a writing utensil and paper in order to write an essay. Lo and behold, two of them showed up today with only their iPods and car keys. I am so terrified that these creatures have permission to operate motor vehicles.
Rules for Parents of Children in School
IV.) Make sure your kids have all of that requisite school stuff as they head out the door. If it is a school day, your kid should be leaving the house with, at the very least, a notebook and writing utensil, be it even a crayon. If it is an exam day, he should have a pen and/or pencil. If he does not have any of those things, you must make sure that he procures it before entering the school.
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Before my class arrived, I went down the hall to grab my PB&J from the fridge. As I approached my classroom, I heard the unmistakable sound of a stapler. Over. And over. And over. When I stepped into the threshold of my room, there was one of my 17-year old students launching staples across the room at a female classmate. Once he saw me, he turned down his head in shame and I could see his face turning red. When I asked him why he was doing it, he said that it was fun. I didn't bother getting into how wasteful or plainly stupid it was. I really wanted to be able to say that it was behavior comparable to that of a kindergartner, but I can't even fathom that a normal kid at 5 years old would do that.
Rules for Parents of Children in School
V.) Model for your kids how to not be a dumbass. Or at least, enable them to distinguish between when it is and is not appropriate to be a dumbass. When my husband was just a wee lad, his parents banned him from restaurants for an extended period of time. They did that because he proved that he couldn't sit still, keep his hands to himself, and communicate at a socially acceptable volume. I can't tell you how many times my parents concluded a command with "or else" and it either scared me straight or they made good on the promise. You need to make it clear at a young age what your kids should and shouldn't do. Not only will it make your kid a better human being, but it will make it easier for his teachers to spend time teaching as opposed to taming a beast.
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There you have it, parents. Five rules that will make things easy for you when it comes to your kids' edumacation. We (teachers) and you (parents) need to work together. We need to raise a whole child who has the tools to do something useful for the betterment of society. We (teachers and parents) can't do that if one of us fails on our part. Our duties are constant. We don't get vacation from our responsibilities. Aaaaaaand, cue snarky remarks about teachers getting the summer "off." While you're at it, stop making that joke.
